Freedom

True is the verse which states that with prayer and supplication, make your request known to God, and the God of peace which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Phil 4.6-7
I was reminded last night, that thanksgiving is the answer to sustaining peace. Rather than looking upon something with sadness and grief, give thanks for everything that was learned and revealed through that season or relationship. By doing that you're making Papa the focus, not the circumstance, and freely does He release His peace and reassurance that He in fact knows what He's doing....how amazing it is to trust in the Lord, how I delight in Him and cherish being able to walk in an abundance of His freedom.
Thank you for showing me this.

Scattered

I'm having a hard time figuring out what to write. There's so much I want to say, yet I'm sitting here drawing a blank. So many thoughts, so many emotions coursing through. One of the dominant emotions I'm feeling is almost a brokeness..if that's even an emotion. God is doing so much in my life right now that causes me to stand in awe of Him, the closeness that is being formed is priceless.. I'm learning to trust Him to an extent that I never have before. It's really hard. Along with this, comes opportunities to trust. I have so many people speaking into my life, giving me advice, that seems like the easy, obvious answer. I shouldn't say easy, it's not easy. But it seems like the logical decision that needs to be made. However, most things the Lord asks us to do are illogical. Am I making sense? I feel like everything is just scattered. I guess what I'm getting at is, I'm learning to trust God in such a deep way, that His voice is the only one I crave. Regardless of the many voices around me telling me what to do, His is the only one that matters. The decisions and choices that are being presented to me are so big, that I'm not willing to trust anyone else except the Lord, decisions that can potentially effect many around me..
I don't have much else to really express. Writing relaxes me, helps me wring out tension. So maybe that's the purpose of this post. To remind myself why I started trusting Jesus in the first place...because He's dependable, and is the only one that can give peace. Let Him govern my every move, that His word would be planted deep within my, it's the lamp to my feet and a light to the path that seems unclear at times..but He has gone before me, His right hand upholds me, and He's behind me, all around me..I will not be afraid, but cling to the truth that His strength is made perfect in my brokeness.
That's all.

Inner Parts of my heart

Sometimes I wish there was a way to take the emotions that go on inside of me and just sort of, spill them onto this blog. Most times it's hard for me to even begin to scratch the surface of what goes through my mind. How can someone with so many thoughts, convey those words in a way that the reader understands fully what's going through the writer's head?
It seems I am learning constantly how to communicate, which has never been easy for me. God is daily providing situations and opportunities for me to learn and grow in that aspect...it's not fun, it's hard. In fact, right now I feel like crying, and I have no idea why. There's no reason behind my tears, yet I feel pain. I have asked the All Consuming Fire to come and consume everything about who I am...and in asking that, I know I'm not just asking for the flames of Love, but also the Refiner's Fire.. the fire that purifies and brings everything unwanted to the surface. The definition of 'refine' is "to free or become free from impurities/ to make or become more polished or elegant" We're almost oblivious to this when we ask the Holy Spirit to refine us. Then, as all the "impurities" begin to come up to the top, we find ourselves very discouraged and almost confused with why we're feeling frustrated and easily annoyed...well, i can't speak for everyone, I speak for myself in this. How do I get to a place where I can face these things and find freedom from them? To me, everything boils down to intimacy, it's the key to everything. Discovering the heart of the Father while also being known by Him. In Him, I'm free to be, free to be me, and free to be loved. I begin to have more patience, and grace to wait. Peace covers me whenever I start to fear about the outcome of things. Rest sustains me when all around me is chaotic.
And in that place, I find the tools and strategies I need that will help me in the areas that I feel weak...like communicating my thoughts :)

...the things of Earth will grow strangely dim..

It is evident when I am lacking in my intimacy with the Lord. Earthly things become more important, silly situations seem a lot bigger. I feel forgotten when it comes to a few relationships- like if I don't keep reminding them that I'm here, they'll forget me and move on. This kind of dependancy makes me so irritated with myself. As if ANY earthly relationship would ever sustain me the way the Holy Spirit does. But it's in these times that I am most vulnerable to attacks, and most likely to give in. I don't know where along the way, earthly matters become priority, but it's vital that I get to the root of it all. I know that I'm not alone in this. So as you're reading this, I encourage you to examine your hearts. We cannot afford to waste away in mediocrity, and that's what lack of initmacy creates. We must catch it before it becomes just a way of life. Being princes and princesses, we are called to live extraordinary, to only allow the Lord to define us. But it can't just be something we agree verbally, it must be an agreement of mind, body and soul. If even one of those is falling short, in my experience, everything will fall short. Just how the body of Christ must be in one, so must the individual temples.

On a lighter note, the Holy Spirit never fails to use me, even when I feel I'm not equipped. Last night at my grandma's viewing, we played a song I had recorded for my dad for Father's Day- I Can Only Imagine, his favorite. I was somewhat nervous knowing an entire room of strangers and family, would hear my singing, not to mention one of my least liked choices of all the songs I recorded. I asked the Holy Spirit to move among the people, that even though I didn't like how I sounded, He would be glorified. As soon as the song started playing you could sense a shift in the atmosphere. People started crying, and you just knew, the Holy Spirit was up to something. This morning at the funeral, the catholic priest that was performing the ceremony started sharing about how last night during the second song (mine) he just became overwhelmed with joy. He went on to share how he just couldn't wait to see this Man face to face, that loves him so much. He kept going on and on about how much joy he felt and that God really has so much love for us. I can't explain the peace/joy that I felt listening to this. Not only did the Holy Spirit just invade this priest, but He is answering my prayer of uniting denominations. I literally felt a oneness in the body of Christ at that moment.
There really is nothing like being used in a moment and time in which you feel insignificant. It's like the Holy Spirit sees your heart, sees your mindset and says "She thinks she's insignificant, let me just show her how exactly significant and important she is in the kingdom." And completely blows your mind.
How can we be moved by petty little hills, when the Lord has called us to move mountains?? haha it's almost silly to me.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face, and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.

"You can't lose Me"

Last night we had prayer and worship at Carla's apartment, there were only 5 of us which really created an intimate atmosphere. Towards the end of worship, my spirit left the room and entered in to my quiet place with Jesus. This happens often, my physical body is in the room and I can still hear what's going on, but my spirit is beckoned into a deep intimate haven with the Love of my life. I remember seeing Jesus and just having Him pull me into an embrace, I remember the familiarity of His presence and just the simplicity of really knowing Him, He's familiar and safe to me. When He smiles at me, I feel beautiful, when He looks at me I can feel His joy and overwhelming Love for me, when He hugs me.... I know that I'm home, and I'm safe, nothing can touch/harm me. There's peace there, restoration. I remember telling Him that I can't live without Him, I can't lose Him. He just laughed as if to say "Oh Audra, you're so silly", then He told me "You can't lose Me". He said it in a way meaning "you're stuck with me, I won't let you lose me". This gave me so much peace. The picture changed, and I was with Him on a hill/field that has been in a lot of my visions. In one season of my life, He was carrying me up this hill because I was too tired and couldn't make it. Another time we were standing together at the top with a huge army behind us, Jesus said to me "we're in this together, partners in crime". Last night we were there, and Jesus was running up the hill flying a kite. He was so carefree and full of joy...like a little kid. Whatever song we were singing at the time, the lyrics were along the lines of "I will search until I find You, I will seek Your face". And in the picture, Jesus was running away from me with this kite, as if we were about to play hide-and-seek. I felt the joy and delight He takes, in having us search for Him. It's not a game, but He has so much fun letting us find Him that in a way, it's like a game. I'm so consumed with Him, so very very much in love with Him. And what's so beautiful, is that He's so very very much in love with me, He looks upon me and is captivated by me. His heart is at peace knowing that I belong to Him, and that He has won me. No man will ever compare to my Jesus, no one will ever fill me the way He fills me. No other love will accept me the way He does.

I have found the One my heart loves, and I will not lose Him...ever.

Mercy Always Wins

When you're put in a leadership position, your perspective of things severely changes, you become aware of things you wouldn't have noticed before, you're more sensitive to distractions, feel a lot more pressure..haha it's nice to just come and receive, but it's even greater to grow.

Tonight we had worship and prayer at Roasters.. the last couple times it's been amazing, not a whole lot of distractions, pretty easy to engage.. tonight was just as amazing if not more because we really had to press through some hard stuff at the beginning. First off we had...I think close to 20 people which the most we've had, in the past was like..10 haha so I'm definitely celebrating that factor, that's just awesome that our size doubled from tuesday night. Before I even got to Roasters, I was already kind of frazzled so when a lot of people started showing up, it felt almost overwhelming because I was behind the bar making drinks, along with our people showing up came about 6 people that were not with us, but thought we were open so came in and ordered some drinks..I was all alone making the drinks, so Audra got a little stressed with the atmosphere. It was loud, people were all over the place, I had MANY drinks I had to make while also thinking ahead to the time I would have to take to clean everything up. Even in my writing, I feel the anxiety that just kind of settled on myself and a couple of our leaders during this. I was kind of communicating with Cam and Kate with my eyes, just saying "This is crazy" and sensing their agreement back. When it came time for us to start everyone was hyped up on caffeine-thanks to me lol the first couple songs were majorly challenging for me, people were still talking and laughing loudly while others were trying to engage, but were almost hesistant because of the atmosphere that was previously set. I just felt the snicker from satan as if to say "ha yeah, try and worship in this. good luck". As the leader of this, I was pretty focused on all the distractions in the room and trying to figure out the best way to eliminate them while still keeping my focus on Christ. I felt a pull- would I give in to my frustration and let it define the night, or could I allow the Lord's grace and mercy to triumph over evil... the song "Holy" by Matt Gilman came on and that song is weighty, it's powerful. I began to feel the shift in the room. Certain songs just pertain that aroma of the Lord that's just irresistable, you can't help but be captivated by His glory and presence. "Holy" was that song. From that point on, I took that shift that I felt, and ran with it. Even though, in the distracting moments, I was challenged by the Lord to search within myself and find my purpose for this night. It wasn't to try and eliminate distractions, it was to bring praise to my King, that's what it's always about.. so I made that my focus, made Him my focus alone, and fell into Him...as did everyone else. It's incredible how worship completely silences the enemy, worship IS the elimination to the distraction.

With that said, Mercy always wins.

A Life Worth Living

I gave in, I created a blog. I realized that there's too much happening, the time that we're in, the places our generation is going, I can't be silent, I won't be silent any longer. So, this has to be like, my 3rd blog I've created..lol but this blog will have purpose.. just like my life. I won't live just an ordinary life, just be a common person doing common things writing common blogs. I have to have purpose, I want to be a temple that hosts the glory of God. I might not have very many readers, but if I can just encourage one life, of one reader, I'll feel accomplished. The time we are in, is unlike any other time in all of history, my generation is truly different from every other generation before us.. the movement that is taking place right now, will change the world. A good friend was sharing with me last night about a word our generation has been given- we are a generation that is experiencing a level of intimacy that is so deep into the Lord, that we are able to carry and maintain the glory of His presence..and because of that we are impacting every aspect of our culture. People don't know it yet, don't recognize the shift that is taking place, it's still somewhat under the radar, but it won't remain that way for much longer..in fact it's happening right now. Burning young people are rising up who have said "yes" no matter what the cost, and because of that, nations are literally about to be impacted by the manifestation of the Holy Spirit.. we've contended for it, and will continue to do so. Revival is not an event, it's a movement, one that will be passed down from generation to generation.
Are you ready to go deep? Are you willing to be led into the darkest of places? Do you trust the Lord enough to let Him lead you without you knowing the destination? ...Me too.