Sometimes I wish there was a way to take the emotions that go on inside of me and just sort of, spill them onto this blog. Most times it's hard for me to even begin to scratch the surface of what goes through my mind. How can someone with so many thoughts, convey those words in a way that the reader understands fully what's going through the writer's head?
It seems I am learning constantly how to communicate, which has never been easy for me. God is daily providing situations and opportunities for me to learn and grow in that aspect...it's not fun, it's hard. In fact, right now I feel like crying, and I have no idea why. There's no reason behind my tears, yet I feel pain. I have asked the All Consuming Fire to come and consume everything about who I am...and in asking that, I know I'm not just asking for the flames of Love, but also the Refiner's Fire.. the fire that purifies and brings everything unwanted to the surface. The definition of 'refine' is "to free or become free from impurities/ to make or become more polished or elegant" We're almost oblivious to this when we ask the Holy Spirit to refine us. Then, as all the "impurities" begin to come up to the top, we find ourselves very discouraged and almost confused with why we're feeling frustrated and easily annoyed...well, i can't speak for everyone, I speak for myself in this. How do I get to a place where I can face these things and find freedom from them? To me, everything boils down to intimacy, it's the key to everything. Discovering the heart of the Father while also being known by Him. In Him, I'm free to be, free to be me, and free to be loved. I begin to have more patience, and grace to wait. Peace covers me whenever I start to fear about the outcome of things. Rest sustains me when all around me is chaotic.
And in that place, I find the tools and strategies I need that will help me in the areas that I feel weak...like communicating my thoughts :)
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