As of late...

How does one express the deepness of the well within? How can you grasp something that is so big, something that goes far beyond even your own comprehension? I have been touched and set free by the grace of my sweet Jesus.. being here at Bethel has literally unraveled my own understanding of what I thought my tapestry would look like and has started the work of something unrecognizable, something completely different and new, yet, it is completely Audra Lyn Montoya. I haven't had the chance to really sit down and meditate on everything that Daddy-God has done for/been to me since I first arrived in Redding. There aren't enough colors to paint, not enough chords to play, enough lyrics to form in a song to tell of just how faithful He has been to me, how patient, how full of grace and how unconditionally His love has encountered me. In His mercy, He has revealed to me lies, old-covenant ways of living and areas of bondage in which I had been living. The greatest thing about experiencing His endless freedom is that, in that very freedom, He is glorified. To know that He is glorified when I gain all that was meant to prosper me, is absolutely incredible. He has been faithful to me in relationships, in giving me grace to extend toward others, and by answering my prayers of seeing financial breakthrough. He has called me into His marvelous light and I have had an awakening of the greatness that I possess. He has led me into a new understanding of what faith looks like...and that faith that I have called my own has taught me that I can believe for ANYTHING, and by faith it will be given to me.

But the greatest thing that I have experienced is His love. You truly are changed by Love. When you know that you are deeply, irrevocably, unconditionally loved by the Creator of ALL things..everything else is found within that-hope, trust, strength, joy, freedom, truth, life abundant, forgiveness, grace, all things good.

I have experienced this, and will never be the same...yet I have not experienced anything close to the fullness of Him...but I cannot wait to spend my life discovering more.

This is my life as of late.

"Three things will last forever--faith, hope, and love--and the greatest of these is love." 1Cor. 13.13

Write Love

To write with passion and emotion, one must first experience what it means. To understand a love that loves outrageously, one must first feel that love and be set free by that love. Once that happens, everything else that once mattered no longer does and the dreams and desires are shifted and molded by the same love that brought freedom. How do you know when you've experienced this? Everything is changed. Your mindset, your ability to receive love, your emotion...your mistakes. You see, that love crushes the head of guilt and shame, casts out fear and silences anxiety. You no longer believe the lie that you have to earn your way into the presence of this Love or perform in order to please this Love. You no longer live with the mindset that you are unworthy or not good enough or that you were created by mistake...rejection and loneliness are replaced by peace and hope and wisdom becomes the thing you crave. In order to write about this you must first be passionate about it, without passion you are lacking necessary emotion in which to reach your target audience. I have experienced this Love, I have felt Him all around me rebuking disillusion and welcoming me into a place of honor and royalty. This love has given me an inheritance and a promise of having a hope and a future. This Love is patient when I make a mistake and forgiving when I choose to go my own way. This love embraces me when I come running back after having the revelation that "my way" holds no substance and is only filled with anxiety and disappointment. This love accepts me..as me.
In order to write with passion and emotion, one must first experience the meaning of it.. to have passion is to have a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling such as Love. What the writers of the dictionary missed, is that Love is alive..it's not just an emotion or feeling..it's a Person who loves in such a way that it gave reason to write in the first place.. Love-powerful and compelling..worth sharing.

Instill...drop by drop

I'm realizing that when I try to make things happen my way, in my time.. I get nothing. When I try to cater to what I think everyone else wants to see, hear or read...I only end up disappointing myself. Sure, it may be exactly what others want...but the process it takes to get there... only looks like a failed attempt to me. When I strive to say the right things, or work for the approval of another, I find myself more lost than when I started. I can't make words form, or songs come when I'm doing it for another, because they're not the One that instilled that passion in me. Did you know that the definition of 'instill' is to put in drop by drop? What a thought... drop by drop. These ideas, inspirations, songs, giftings are still being released into us..drop by drop; that at the age of 85, I still will not be fully filled with thoughts of heaven. My point being, how can I force something to come that hasn't yet been released? Of course I will disappoint myself in straining to make something come when the timing isn't right. I can only seek the heart of Papa-God, the One who's releasing everything and learn that these "drops" will only come in seeking His face. If there's a stream, you can usually follow it and be led to a much bigger body of water. The Holy Spirit is our Living Water, my guess is He's the biggest body of water there is, drops are usually associated with liquid, water being a liquid, Water= Holy Spirit, it makes sense that by chasing after Him, spending time in His presence...things might get done a lot faster and without strain and be perfected and molded into exactly how He intended it... one single drop at a time, or maybe the forecast says heavy rains in which we are completely soaked deeper than the bone...to the heart, with the activity of heaven.. either way, I'll take those drops because they're more significant than anything I could ever do out of my own power or will. Each drop is a sweet taste of my Jesus, which also creates a delicious post-rain smell that only causes me to crave more...more of Him drop More of His presence drop, drop more of His ideas and plans drop drop drop

To instill is to put in drop by drop